A Month Of Madness

Having got wildly excited over finishing this - THE WAY TO A WOMAN'S HEART (note my huge self control in not even mentioning Midnight Feast...) - I have unashamedly skived for the last month. Well, sort of...









I've actually been here for a few days and given a talk or two at the Lit Fest and had a truly brilliant time - what an amazingly friendly city Middlesbrough is! Thank you to everyone who came along and was so lovely....








And here for the weekend... (I do so love a gut-quivering jet engine roar or twenty...)



And here... where I also gave a talk (and giggled a lot) and met up with my lovely, glamorous and really good friend Jane and had a wonderful evening even if the local paper managed to get ALL the facts wrong!


And here with The Toyboy Trucker for some much needed R&R - not to mention alcohol and food and far, far too much ice-cream...






Oh, and here because my recurring conjunctivitis isn't - it's blepharitis which is totally different and has a completely different treatment and I'm really happy now because I can see!!!




And most excitingly of all - here....
And this was like walking on to a film set! Having seen the pictures and heard all about Debs' fabulous shed for so long, to actually be there was almost overwhelming. It's amazing! And gorgeous! And pretty! And I WANT ONE!!!! Thanks so much Debs (and Grumpy, for allowing me over the portals) - it was simply brilliant.



I've also written five short stories - and sent them...



And I've started The New Book - which I've called NEVER CAN SAY GOODBYE in an attempt to find my own "let's get away from the cutesy magicky titles" title.


And today is Jonah's 15th birthday. He's celebrated well with chicken breast and steamed fish. As we were told he would be lucky if he survived to his 3rd birthday we're really proud of him. But not half as proud as he is of himself! Showing-off, swaggering and preening all seem to come very naturally to him.


Other less pictorial catch-up stuff from previous posts - one-eyed Maddy is absolutely fantastic now, although she has turned into a bit of a prima-donna with all the earlier attention, but is managing to live with her restricted vision with no problems at all. Elle and The Doctor's ill-fated Carlton Epsom handmade bed eventually arrived - damaged and in the wrong colour... back to the drawing board for that one, then. Sigh.... It is now fifteen months since we spoke to the outlaws after the no-show wedding fiasco. Feel that it is too long to even try for a reconciliation. Shame...

Sooo, now I'm back with bum-on-seat and fingers-on-keyboard and after my month of skiving madness will try really, really hard to be A Good Blogger in future. I think...

Ta-ra Tramuntana

Sorry blog - I've been ignoring you - AGAIN. But there's been a really, really good reason - honest. I mean, as well as doing the TWTAWH edits - I've also skived off and been here. That's the place in the picture, blog, in case you're not following my drift...

The Toyboy Trucker and I have been to the Tramuntana Mountains and it was BLISS. Yes, I left unfinished edits behind which makes me a Bad Writer, but we'd planned to have the hol at the end of May/beginning of June ages ago in those halcyon days when I was convinced TWTAWH would have been delivered/edited/all over and be nothing but a blurred memory and I'd be well into The Next One by April. Of course, this was a mistake - but the hol was booked and paid for - so, off we went.


Did I fret about the un-done edits? Did I hell! Sorry - Bad Writer moment again. No, we joyously embraced the non-stop Mediterranean sunshine and the crystal-clear turquoise sea and the wall-to-wall tapas and the sheer gorgeousness of the laid-back way of life. We whizzed up and down the mountains (amazing hairpin roads - felt like something off Top Gear!) in little wooden trains and through citrus groves in rattling wooden trams and stayed in an old-fashioned hotel that was exactly like something out of a lavish Agatha Christie adaptation. Oh, the absolute decadence of eating late, strolling beneath the palms and pines at the foot of the mountains in the moonlight, and then returning to the hotel to sit in cushioned wicker chairs on the vast tiled and candlelit-terrace with a jug of sangria and people-watch...


And now we're back, and The Toyboy Trucker is embroiled with lorries and parcels again, and TWTAWH is FINISHED!!!! I ignored everything else (except the cats, of course) when I returned and spent about 16 hours a day, every day, on the edits and rewrites and sent it yesterday! It's DONE! Phew!!!!


Sooo - it's ta-ra to TWTAWH and to the Tramuntana. I hope the former will never need to be revisited - but the latter, oh, yes - we (in the words of Arnie) will be back...

For The Love Of Maddy

This is Maddy. To the rest of the world she's a very ordinary little black cat. To me, for fifteen years, she's been my close friend, a source of constant amusement, and the inspiration for the name of my very first heroine in my very first novel. Two weeks ago Maddy had to have her left eye removed after developing an ulcerated optic abscess. The operation went well (I spent all day pacing up and down with my stomach in knots, as you do), she came home two days later and, the vet said, was on track to make a full recovery.

Maddy looked awful. Half her face was shaved away, she had six huge stitches in a sort of gash shape from the top of her head down to the tip of her nose, and she was very wobbly. However, after a couple of days of TLC she started to make progress. She'd eat a little and venture outside occasionally and the other cats stopped giving her a wide berth because she reeked of VET. Then she changed. With no warning she started clawing at her face, shaking her head violently and falling over. She couldn't eat, drink, walk or even stand up. Every time I put food down for her, she'd lower her head to it and then jerk it frantically away almost as if she'd just smacked her face into an invisible glass wall. She hid behind the sofa, hunched up, looking terrified.

I rushed her back to the vet who checked her over and said he'd never seen such violent and distressing reactions, that the eye socket was clean and clear, there was no indication of an infection, and that unless she'd had a post-op cerebral bleed he had no idea what was going on, but that he was very worried. He wasn't the only one...

Two days later, with Maddy's violent shakes and panics getting worse, and still having not eaten or drunk anything, I took her back. The vet removed her stitches, checked her over again, said she wasn't in pain but was very weak and he had no idea what was going on, and said he didn't hold out much hope for her survival, and that it might be kindest to have her put to sleep...

Now, at that point there was no way I was going to let her go. Not until I knew there was no alternative. If she'd been in pain then yes, of course, I'd have agreed. But as she wasn't... I took her home. She crawled behind the sofa. And I crawled with her. And for an entire week that's where she stayed and - for most of it - so did I, just talking to her and stroking her and reassuring her. I reckoned that it was vital for her to have fluids more than anything, so spent ages syringing water into the side of her mouth. We both got soaked but at least she got some of it. Then, still talking to her all the time, and stroking her, I smeared pate round her mouth and on her paws and the side of her face. At first she just panicked, but I persevered to the expense of everything else. For seven days I did nothing - certainly no writing or housework - but sat with her in the darkness, smearing food on to her and talking to her until she gradually, very gradually, started to lick it off.

After another two days she crawled from behind the sofa and, keeping her away from the other cats, I put the food on a saucer in front of her. She went through the violent shying away/head shaking thing again, but then - amazingly - started to hook the food off her plate with her paw and eat it with her "fingers". Not much, admittedly, but some. I was so encouraged by this breakthrough (yes, I cried) that I started teaching her to stand and walk too. Just supporting her underneath her tummy and moving her forward inch by inch, and putting her into a litter tray and holding her steady. And after another day she could do this on her own too.

Then she started eating normally from her dish, admittedly very, very slowly with her head all skewed round at an odd angle, but she was eating and drinking and walking unaided...

By the end of last week, Maddy was back to normal. Yes, she's finding it a bit odd only having restricted vision - but this hasn't stopped her resuming her tree-climbing and bird-watching activities. As I'm typing this she's chasing butterflies in the garden. She's the first in for food, the first one with a clean plate, the first one on the bed at night seeking out the snuggliest spot.

Now I'm miles behind with the TWTAH edits, the house is a tip and The Toyboy Trucker is beginning to look like beans on toast - but I'm making no apologies. Maddy's back, I'm ecstatic - and I'm thinking, should the writing take a nose-dive, of setting up in business as a cat-whisperer.....

Short Story and Poetry Competition

A proper writerly blog post - and possibly one that should be on Womag's blog really...

Anyway, if anyone out there in blogland fancies having a go at writing a winning short-story or poem with the chance of some GREAT prize money - the following might be of interest....

Poetry and Short Story Writing Competition with £4000 worth of Prizes!

The Writers Bureau – Britain’s leading Creative Writing home study college – has launched its annual Poetry and Short Story Competition for 2010.

Now in its 16th year, the competition will, once again, be judged by Iain Pattison and Alison Chisholm. Alison commented on last year’s winners saying, “The wide-ranging subject matter and a host of individual voices made this a fascinating competition to judge. Many of the entries reached out and captivated the reader, who was drawn into another world and invited to become a part of it. The winners were spectacular.”

Last year’s winners can be viewed at www.wbcompetition.com.

Total prize money is £4000: First prize in each category is £1000, second prize £400 third prize £200, fourth prize £100, plus six runners-ups prizes of £50 each.

The theme is open so entrants can choose to write about any subject.

Poems should not exceed 40 lines and short stories should not exceed 2000 words.

The winners will be featured in Freelance Market News and on The Writers Bureau competition website giving the winners a chance to showcase their work and boost their profile.

The entry fee for each poem or short story is £5.00 and the closing date for entries is 30th June 2010. Entry can be either online or through the post.

For entry forms or further information contact:

The Competition Secretary, Dept Comppr, The Writers Bureau,Sevendale House, 7 Dale Street, Manchester, M1 1JB Tel: 00 44 161 228 2362

Or Visit www.wbcompetition.com

Contact: Diana Nadin Email: dianan@writersbureau.com Tel: 0161 228 2362 (day)

Carlton Epsom and Me

Carlton Epsom may well become a mean and nasty character in a future book, but right at the moment I never want to hear the name again... It's been one of those weekends that honestly could only happen to me.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin...

We, The Toyboy Trucker and I (re-united again!), had planned a weekend with Elle and The Doctor. We were going to forget all about me editing TWTAWH and him starting yet another newly-elevated job on Monday morning. We were going out shopping with them on Saturday to buy them a new bed for their new house as our house-warming present, then on Sunday we were all off to London for lunch with The Doctor's parents. A lovely, family weekend...

Sooo - on Saturday, we trailed round every furniture shop in four counties. Elle wasn't taken with any of the 23 million beds we looked at... She then announced that she remembered she'd seen "just the one they wanted" on a certain well-known furniture shop's website. Off we trotted (another cross-country trek) to the aforementioned store - and yes, the bed (the Carlton Epsom) was one they stocked, but not in-store - on t'internet only as it was hand-built to order...

With The Toyboy Trucker muttering that only Elle could find a hand-built must-have bed and it had always been the same with her, she could never settle for anything off-the-shelf even as a child, and then started on about the designer wedding dress that cost more than our first house and things were getting a bit fraught, we changed the subject back to volcanic ash (again) and politics (again) as these were much safer topics - and hurried back to Elle and The Doctor's house and t'internet.

And - yes! - there it was! The Carlton Epsom! As Elle provided refreshments, and The Toyboy Trucker and The Doctor discussed football and F1 and volcanic ash and politics, I snuggled-up to their laptop and tapped in all the complex details, mine as payee and Elle's as recipient, on several lengthy online forms and pressed the "buy now" button. Nothing happened for ages then I got a "sorry - page not loading - invalid order" message.

So, I tried again and again and again and again.... Each attempt took ages. Still nothing. The page wouldn't load and the whole thing was rejected over and over and over... However, there was a phone number to place orders verbally. So I tried. Sadly, there wouldn't be anyone there until Monday morning... As we'd then spent longer trying to order the Carlton Epsom online than we had trailing round the bloody bed shops, I was beginning to wish Elle and The Doctor would settle for a futon or a sleeping bag or even the damn bed they've already got...

As soon as The Toyboy Trucker and I got home I thought I'd just try one more online order attempt in case the problem was with Elle and The Doctor's computer - but no, the site still wouldn't accept my order. So, deciding to leave it until Monday morning when I could speak to a Real Person and place my order, I forgot all about Carlton Epsom.

Sunday dawned gloriously warm and sunny, and knowing the sort of fabulous hospitality we'd receive at The Doctor's parents' house, I made an early-morning sortie to the shops for visitor-gifts of posh flowers, chocs and wine... I got to the check out, realised I didn't have enough cash, so used my debit card - which was immediately humiliatingly rejected in front of a queue of people loaded with barbecue goodies and knowing grins... As this was clearly turning into "one of those weekends" I negotiated (slowly) with the check-out-boy and raked up enough cash for the flowers and chocs and had to abandon the wine and everyone behind me was getting pretty unpleasant...

Once home again, I rang my bank, demanding to know why my card had been refused. A very perky lady told me it was due to "insufficient funds". Well - I got pretty uppity I can tell you. The Toyboy Trucker has just been paid, I've just had more German royalties (yay!) and for once I knew the bank was wrong. And I said so in my most-exasperated voice. The perky lady asked if I'd like her to check my recent activities. After a moment's hesitation while I completely misinterpreted the question, I said yes, of course, but I knew down to the very last penny what we'd spent in the past week or so...

'Well' she said, still perkily, 'there's a payment pending of XXXX thousand pounds to XYZ furniture store for 6 online orders...."

I screamed... A lot. Noooo! SIX orders! I'd ordered SIX Carlton Epsom beds! Each time I'd tried to order online and the page had assured me it had been rejected, it hadn't!!!! Each order had gone through... And somehow, our bank account was about to relieved of all the money we'd just been paid plus far more money than we actually possessed and Elle and The Doctor were going to get enough beds to start a small hotel...

Sucking desperately on my electronic cigarette (really effective by-the-way), and hoping to God that The Toyboy Trucker was still immersed in Jensen's progress in the Chinese Grand Prix and not listening, I whimpered and asked the perky lady what I could do... She perkily informed me that I'd entered into a legally binding agreement the minute I'd pressed the buy button. My only recourse was to contact the furniture store and explain the situation and hope they were sympathetic... And of course, the furniture store was closed to telephone calls until first thing on Monday morning...

So, off we went to London and had a fabulous day with The Doctor's family eating an al fresco Indian banquet while I hoped we wouldn't need to use the debit card and panicked and wondered if there was ever going to be a right moment to mention to The Toyboy Trucker that I'd just spent all our hard-earned money and then some on SIX Carlton Epsoms, or to Elle that she better start clearing out several more rooms and setting up a B&B sign...

And this morning, after a sleepless night, I nervously rang the furniture store. And, oh joy! They were brilliant! Not only did they see the funny side (something I'd failed to do for 48 hours) but they assured me that all six Carlton Epsoms were firmly cancelled, my money was safe, and starting afresh we ordered one Carlton Epsom - just the one - to be hand-crafted and delivered to Elle and The Doctor in 30 days time...

And now I've told the bank, and they laughed (oh yeah - very funny...) and reinstated my money and I'm never, never, never going to order anything online EVER again... Oh, and if anyone mentions the words Carlton Epsom anytime soon I'll definitely spit.

Memories and Madness

First the memories - oooh - it was one year ago today, the loveliest day of my life -big, big soppy sigh... So, here's wishing a very, very Happy First Wedding Anniversary to Elle and The Doctor - oh, and a very happy birthday to The Doctor today as well. They're away for the weekend - somewhere secluded and romantic... I'm not.

And the madness? The edits and rewrites for TWTAWH are back! Already! Aaargh! Mind you, I actually enjoy being edited, so once I get to grips with the "yes, of course I'll change that - it's so much better" and "no way, over my dead body!" bits I'll be fine - I think... It's always a good thing to have someone else's perspective (a professional person, I mean - it's no good relying on your best mate or your mum who will always tell you it's the best thing you've ever written) on your writing - and I must say I agree with about 90% of Emma Editor's points. Sooo - I'll be bum-on-seat and fingers-on-keyboard for the next week hopefully honing TWTAWH into A Good Book.

The madness has also involved loads of stuff going on while I was trying to finish TWTAWH - mainly because I couldn't see for most of it having developed viral conjunctivitis after the shingles episode, so while I looked like Quasimodo and had to wear Matrix-type sunglasses INDOORS (and wouldn't go out because I couldn't wear eye-make and I haven't been outside with bare eyes since I was 14!) neither could I see the screen. I was typing in a massive font and The Toyboy Trucker said I looked like the least attractive half of Peters & Lee... I'm better now, thanks.

And Elle and The Doctor have been buying a house with all the angst that brings, and finally move at the end of April. They already had a house each, sold his, lived in hers after the wedding - now they've sold that too and bought what they're referring to as "a proper family home" in the country... Am getting very overexcited at the thought of the patter of tiny grandchildren... Elle tells me this is NOT on the agenda anytime soon - but then she said that about getting married so I remain "broody-by-proxy"...

And I've been writing a couple of commissioned things: a feature for Prima on "the way we holiday'd" which was great fun (but tricky again as I couldn't see the screen) and includes lots of black and white holiday snaps and made me very nostalgic (but NOT weepy as "weepy" still hurts!), and a short story for a Your Cat magazine competition - which was lovely as the readers had to send in details of their cat and I had to choose the winner and write a story round him/her... I wanted to use ALL of them - they were amazing!

And The Toyboy Trucker has been promoted AGAIN (I knew no good would come of suddenly deciding to get himself an education!) but this time to here - well, almost - but reasonably locally which means he'll be living at home again from April 19th. Can't wait... Not sure about him - think he's probably really enjoyed being young, free and single for all these months... But it has meant a lot of disruption as we've had to move his whole life from the wilds of "the other side of London" back here again...

Oh, and I've also been child-minding for a friend while she had surgery - they (the children - not sure how many of them there were but it seemed like a lot) were quite good (if a little blurry) and most days I just chained them to the Wii while I wrote TWTAWH and fed them on pizza every now and then...

Sooo, somehow amongst that lot, TWTAWH got written and now it's going to be rewritten and I'll be back again as soon as it's DONE!

TWTAWH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's finished!!!! I've done it!!!! And "almost" on time too... So, I'm back in the land of the bloggers, and will now start to answer emails and - er - try to reclaim my life... Finishing TWTAWH kind of took over everything for the last month - and came out at a stonking 470 pages so will clearly need a severe editing - but it's DONE!!!!

Oh, and I absolutely love, love, love the cover...

Loads of stuff to say - but first must go and try to dig my way through the housework/washing (amazing how it all seems to accumulate...) that's piled up during my love-affair with TWTAWH and The Toyboy Trucker's continued absence. Funny how one woman and several cats can make so much mess....

Just really, really happy to be a TWTAWH free zone at the mo - now just the edits/rewrites to look forward to...

Oh, and a quick PS - having just proudly announced that TWTAWH is already on Amazon can I now also proudly announce that the blurb accompanying it bears no resemblance at all to my story... which is a relief as I've only just finished it and that would have been really spooky if they knew more than I did. And the heroine isn't called Sally and the cookery prog isn't called Midnight Feast (not any more) and - ah well, you get the drift...