Green Eyed Writer?

Before I know whether or not I'm still a published novelist, I thought I'd jot down a few other writerly things that have happened recently while I've been off in Bad Blogger territory. Because IF it all goes tits-up with the prospective new deal I know I won't be able to mention the word "writerly" for months...

There has been yet another German deal. I am so delighted with the way things are going in Germany - so, it must be said, are my bank and the Inland Revenue and everyone else I owe money to... This time it's for yet another book-club deal for Love Potions (Sommernachts Zauber). The last one was to supply a large on-line book club, while this one is a hard-copy, magazine type one - and again, it was a lovely surprise. Still can't quite believe it. And the German version of Heaven Sent (Sternenzauber) is out on April 1st (not as bad as it sounds as April 1st is also Elle's birthday - so we don't make jokes about it - okay???) so it'll be interesting to see if it does as well as Love Pots. Me, the bank and the Inland Rev sincerely hope so...

There's also been a deal for Happy Birthday this week - not in Germany, but with a UK indie publisher who are going to do a 10,000 copy print run for cheapo bookshops. I know a lot of Proper Authors are horrified by this sort of thing - but I ain't proud. Okay, these deals don't bring in much money for the author (sob!) BUT they are vital in getting the books into readers' hands - I did a similar one with Hub Bub and sold loads AND got lots of new readers to boot and shifted a lot of my backlist as a result. And to be honest, it'll just be nice to see Happy Birthday on a shelf...

The magazine outlets seem to be dwindling by the minute, don't they? I've sold another story to YOURS (THANK YOU Womag!), and have another couple almost ready to go to them, but with the recent demise of of the fiction slot in Best, the markets are getting fewer and fewer. I'm going to have a go at something for My Weekly and People's Friend - and may well bite the bullet and see if I can manage to write whatever it is that Woman's Weekly wants at the moment. Must say here that I did have a hissy fit while reading something in a story in a recent WW - because it was WRONG! WRONG!! WRONG!!! It was SO wrong factually that I felt like dashing off a letter to the editor - but fortunately my sense of self-preservation prevented me putting fingers to keyboard just in time. After all, a wannabe contributor slagging off a) another author and b) the ed's clear oversight in checking the story's background, probably wouldn't endear me to anyone, and I'd hate to be thought of as green-eyed...

Mind you, I am. Jealous I mean. Yes, of course I'm genuinely pleased when my friends and fellow-writers are successful, and I'm really happy to share any info I think might help anyone trying to be published - BUT - it still doesn't mean that I'm a Nice Person. I'm not. I can get catacylsmically (sp?) jealous of others' successes if I think they're undeserved. I gnash my teeth and swear a lot - and yep, I've had plenty of those "my books are better/as good as hers and yet my career bobbles along in the mid-list while she soars into the literary stratosphere being lauded and fawned over..." moments. Oh, yes, I have quite a few moments of sheer unadulterated HATRED while ensconced here in the back bedroom... It's lovely.

Oh, and meant to say - again - that everyone who writes magazine stories and/or features should register with ALCS - the Authors Licensing and Collecting Society -you don't have to be a novelist, ALCS will collect royalties on anything you've had published, either in books or magazines (think they're currently going back to 2006) - so dig out all those back issues, and they pay out either in Sept or March. I've just had a unexpectedly lovely amount appear in my bank account for all sorts of royalties collected across the globe for my UK magazine work.

And as this is now Friday lunch time - and The Meeting To Decide My Future took place yesterday - and I haven't heard a PEEP from my agent I'm now going to slink off into a dark corner and gibber.

Wedding Count Down...

Well - I've had a lovely two-week non-writing gap doing very, very little - except drafting four new outlines for the next four books because I'm now OUT OF CONTRACT and therefore unemployed and need a new deal pdq but am not overly-optimistic (I'm never overly-optimistic...) - and my agent is meeting my editor on Thurs for prelim talks - so it's all very tense chez Jones at the moment.

Which is why I'm glad I've got the wedding stuff to distract me. THREE weeks on Saturday - and such gorgeous spring-like weather at the moment... However, the long range forecast for Easter is not looking good - cold, windy, wet and possibly snowy is being hurled around on the met sites... That'll all play havoc with me fascinator - not to mention the silky sleeveless m-o-t-b frock. I WILL NOT worry about the weather just yet. And yes, I know we had a white Easter last year and it was lovely - but I really, really don't want one this year, okay?

Anyway, tomorrow we whisk Elle and her bridesmaids off to Gatwick, where they then fly to Majorca to catch a cruise ship to drift round the Mediterranean for 5 days of hen-bliss. Jealous? Moi? What do you think???? The other hen weekend is at the end of March and involves a spa - so I think I'll be okay with that. I quite fancy being pampered (I've never been to a spa or even had a facial before - is that a terrible admission??? - so it'll be a whole new experience).

Last weekend The Doctor had his stag do. It was very funny - apparently. They had a boys-doing-boys-things party first - go-karting, clay-pigeon shooting, quad biking etc etc. Then all dressed up as clowns (my dad would have been SO proud) they did the town. The Toyboy Trucker seems to have forgotten everything that happened after about 1a.m. and he came home without his wig (that's his stag-do wig, you understand, he doesn't need a toupee just yet...) and looking very pale... The Doctor took three days to recover...

Sadly there are no photos. Or that's what they all tell me.

Anyway, everything else is all coming together nicely. The seating plan is done (and what a minefield that was!), the menus sorted for those who are veggies, vegans, think tomato sauce is daring etc, the final frock fittings are on the 27th (DO NOT ask if mine fits at the moment!), the speeches are written (by me - AND Elle and The Doctor have asked me to do a reading in the service so I've written that too and I know I'll bawl all though it...), and accommodation has been sorted for those who need it.

All I need to do now is find a lovely personal "thing" to give Elle and The Doctor on the day. They don't want presents, and I've got my clever friend Jane to embroider a personalised wedding card, but I need a little keep-sake thing... All the websites seem to be much of a muchness - photo frames etc - so any/all suggestions will be more than welcome.

Done It!!!!!!

Moonshine is done!!! 25 chapters, 315 pages - all done! Written, delivered to my agent and my editor, checked, line-edited, revised, sent back - and today it's been accepted. On Friday it goes for copy-editing and out of my sight until the proofs. From today - now - this minute - I am a Moonshine-free woman!!! I've bloody done it!!! And I met the deadline! And I'm SO happy!!!! And totally exhausted. Tomorrow I shall do nothing but wallow - then I'll catch up on all those unanswered emails (sorry!), and the blog, and maybe the housework (or maybe not) and then I'll start writing the synopsisisisisi for the next two books - because (gulp) I'm now out of contract... Can't say any more now as my eyes won't work and my fingers have atrophied and I'm falling asleep at the keyboard - but I've done it!!!!!!!

How Much????

Sorry - I'm on the last knockings of Moonshine (goalposts have been moved again and it now has to be delivered next Thursday and I've just done a word count and - aaargh!!!) and shouldn't be blogging at all, but I just had to break off and share this wonderful piece of news about my newly-elevated status.

I've clearly arrived in the land of the must-have authors!!! JKR eat your heart out.

This little snippet from Amazon was passed to me by a friend this morning - and it's made my day!!!

I knew spotting a copy of Happy Birthday in the shops was rarer than finding unicorns' eggs - but even so I had no idea it had become a collector's item...

Ahem...

"Happy Birthday (Paperback)
by Christina Jones (Author)
Price at a Glance
RRP: £6.99
Used: from £1,186.14
Used (1 from £1,186.14)
Ready to buy? £1,186.14 + £2.75 shipping - Used - Like New.
Comments: As new book delivered in the UK in 2-3 days."

Magic or what????

Oh, and thanks again to Womag I've sold another story to YOURS this morning. THANK YOU!!!

And I've just bought a gorgeous vintage black beaded velvet bolero to go with my m-o-t-b frock (in case it gets chilly) from eBay for 75p.

So all-in-all, a truly great start to the day!

Now back to tying up the Moonshine ends, beaming broadly.

Friday 13th - Lucky For Some

Today - Friday 13th - is The Toyboy Trucker's birthday. He was born on Friday 13th too - so draw your own conclusions... He's been away this week but will be home this afternoon and Elle and I have got cards and pressies and a chocolate and toffee birthday cake waiting, and I've booked a romantic table-for-two at a local hostelry (NOT one that I work in) for this evening.

This will be a very brief post because I'm over my ears in Moonshine - but I wanted to mark the occasion and wish The Toyboy Trucker happy birthday in public so that he knows I love him. I think he doubts it sometimes - especially times like these when I'm stuck at the computer and only grunt. He's a star and I could never do any of this without his support.

Writing news - good, again (blimey, I could get used to this...) - I've made a further sale in Germany!!!! This is just amazing - and shows what a bizarre career this writing lark is. Surprisingly, and completely out of the blue, I've now sold second rights to the German edition of Love Potions to an online bookstore (German - natch) - for another stunning sum. Between ourselves - and as an antidote to the earlier grizzling posts - this week I've actually earned more than TWICE what I earned in the whole of last year. How bizarre (and fantastically lovely) is that??? Friday 13th? Bring it on!!!

Weight Watchers news - this week I've lost 5lbs! I think this is because I've been flat-out with Moonshine and forgotten to eat. Don't care how it happened - am just thrilled that it has and that it means I'm 5lbs closer to squeezing into the m-o-t-b frock.

Wedding news - replies to the invites have flooded back, proving that most people we know are only too happy to leave their offspring for a childfree day (and night) of Bacchanalian revelry. The boys' suits are ready. The bridesmaids' frocks ditto. Elle has her final fitting on March 27th. And there are only EIGHT weeks to go!!!

Now back to Moonshine with renewed enthusiasm. Well - almost...

Not Such A Secret Agent

This post should come accompanied by bells and whistles and rainbows and lollipops and cascades of fireworks and volleys of celestial trumpets because - I'M A HAPPY WRITER!!!!

It should really also be illustrated by a picture of my wonderful, wonderful new agent - the sublime Broo Doherty - because she's just worked several miracles in a nano-second.

In the very short time she's been my agent, Broo has worked tirelessly on my behalf to improve my writing lot because she's brilliant and a total star...

Today she's told me that she has had the rights to all my out of print titles reverted to me (something my previous agent had been asked to do for years and said was "difficult if not impossible") - so that Going the Distance, Running the Risk, Stealing the Show, Jumping to Conclusions, Walking on Air, Nothing to Lose and Tickled Pink can now all be sold again to a new publisher (hopefully my current one!!!), re-jacketed and re-published, giving me my full back-catalogue in print again for the first time in years and years. This will give my finances a desperately-needed boost and will, hopefully, up my presence on the bookshop shelves.

And as an added bonus (this is an understatement - vbg) she's also just told me that she's sold Hubble Bubble, Seeing Stars and Happy Birthday to the German publishers!!! For a stonking sum!!!! Half of which I get on signature of the contract - and which will keep the bank manager off my back for the foreseeable future. You have no idea how delirious I am this morning. I laughed, cried, yelled, cried some more, and am still wearing a huge and silly grin.

The German publishers apparently love my books - thanks to the great sales of Love Potions (proved by those fab royalties last year) they had already bought Heaven Sent - so they'll have my entire magical series in print in Germany and are intending to really up my profile as a rom-com writer in Germany. I AM SOOO HAPPY!!!

This has (naturally) increased my enthusiasm for Being A Writer, and for finishing Moonshine (they want to see that too) and for brushing up on my O level German just in case they'd like me to pop over any time soon...

My admiration for Broo knows no bounds. She's simply amazing.

THANK YOU, BROO!!!!!! You've changed my life!!!!

May disappear for a while now to finish Moonshine in a spurt of excited and unusual (for me) optimism that maybe being a writer isn't really a stupid way to try and make a living...

I Could Have Danced All Night

Started writing this earlier then got sidetracked by writing Moonshine all week (going okay - I don't love it but I haven't deleted any of it - YET) but have now been snowed in for 48 hours and am going stir crazy. I LOVE snow - but we've had it for five days and now we can't even get out of the house and the little single track roads round here are impassable and today the entire Oxfordshire section of the A34 has been closed by the police, so we're marooned...

So, I thought I'd finish this blog post about last weekend's Big Night Out - The Toyboy Trucker's firm's dinner-dance - because it did throw up a rather wonderful writerly event.

First though, the whole swish "do" was amazing - the way only a company's swish "do" can be when most of the invitees aren't used to doing swish...

I loved it! We were all installed overnight in the utterly decadent Millennium Hotel -all opulent gold and cream and acres of glass (we had a bedroom big enough to live in for a year without ever getting in each other's way), with miles of silent, immaculate, spacious corridors and very friendly and helpful staff. It was funny, really, the way we all went around after checking in, mouths agape, staring in awe at the splendour like Dorothy when she first got to Oz. And everyone belted off to see A&B's twin room which had two sunken spa baths!!! We really were Hicks from the Sticks R Us...

The evening venue was the Jazz Cafe - somewhere I'd never been before but will definitely visit again for a superb night out. The food was wonderful, the drink flowed courtesy of the company and they had a live soul/jazz/funk/fusion band (I only know about the fusion bit because Elle explained it to me when we got home) playing stuff I knew and recognised (a tricky area when you get to A Certain Age and make only rare visits to nightclubs, I find...) and could dance to.

There were drawbacks of course. I went all dolled up (it said "dress to impress" on the invite) and was pretty happy with my long and flowing purple frock and purple glittery sandals, plus new hair-do (short now - but not as short as the Disaster Cut some of you may remember I had a couple of years ago when Elle's friend offered to do it at home, and she'd just had her elderly beloved dog put to sleep and she cried all through the snipping and I cried with her and neither of us could see what she was doing and I ended up with bristles) and carefully applied slap when we left the hotel. On arrival at the Jazz Cafe and meeting up with the other departments it was abundantly clear that I am now firmly - whatever I may think - in the "matronly" department. The majority of the company's female staff were in size 6 LBDs and stilt heels and looked like Girls Aloud... I felt soooo old....

However, I've got stamina, and I threw myself into the jollies and danced a lot of them young 'uns off the floor (I always knew those years of being a bump-and-grind nightclub cage dancer would come in handy one day). The Toyboy Trucker, it must be said here, doesn't dance. Can't dance/won't dance. He'll stand and sway if absolutely necessary but then only when very, very drunk...

But as I said at the start of this, the main point of posting (apart from being able to boast that for one glorious night my life didn't revolve entirely around the computer in the spare bedroom, worrying about money, fretting over deadlines, the cats, the madness of the estate, and spending most of my time in my PJs) about our Big Night Out is actually a writerly one. Well sort of.

The evening provided yet another of those "I know I shouldn't be thinking this right now but it'd make a bloody good plot" moments. Oh, not quite on the lines of the P&S&S's wife triangle that I was faced with at the last party (neither P nor S were at the Jazz Cafe thank heavens!) - but fascinating none-the-less - and something I knew I'd have to share.

Okay - so we've all heard of the sailor having a girl in every port. Now think of the trucker having a girl in every distribution depot...

I'll call the trucker Dave because that honestly isn't his name. Dave is in his 30s and single. It soon became apparent that several of the girls (all pretty petite blondes in gorgeous frocks) were watching the door of the Jazz Cafe and constantly checking their mobiles for text messages. It also soon became apparent to anyone with half an ear (me, nosy, listening-in) that they were all waiting for Dave.

Now Dave is a mate of The Toyboy Trucker's and I knew he had cried off at the last minute due to "family problems". Being a cynical old bat, I quickly guessed that the problems were far closer to hand. All Dave's ladies were in the same place at the same time - and none of them knew about the others.

As the wine flowed, and tearful visits to the loo were made, and sobbing confessions emerged, the girls gradually realised they all had something (or someone) in common, and weren't, as they'd fondly imagined, Dave's one and only. Cries of "but he told me he loved me!!!" echoed all around our table. Dave, it appeared, really managed to keep all these ladies happy and apart - until the Big Night Out..

Of course, if he'd turned up, it would have been much more fun (well, for me) although possibly not for the ladies involved or for Dave who might have been lucky to escape with his bits intact. You had to admire his tactics though. He'd managed to keep all these girls happy for several months (years in one case!), by spending a couple of nights a week with each and blaming his frequent absences on - well - trucking.

What the other men in the party found so totally confusing was how he'd managed to do it. Oh, not keeping the girls apart which is fairly easy when you're out on the road all the time, but getting them in the first place. They were mystified and not a little jealous.

"I just don't understand it," The Toyboy Trucker's boss said to me as he peeled yet another glamorous sobbing blonde from his tux. "Dave's a nice bloke, but he's just - well - a bloke. He's not Brad Pitt. He's got no money to speak of. He's got loads of baggage. He's nothing special. What on earth do they see in him?"

And I smiled and shrugged in a mysterious (hopefully) womanly way. Because I knew very well. Because I'm a woman. Dave is average height, average build, average looks. But he's charming. He's also got a fabulous smile and beautiful eyes. And he's intelligent, articulate, compassionate, very funny and gentle. He makes you feel as though you're the only person in the world when he talks to you. He remembers everything about you, is genuinely interested in you, can make you laugh, and can not only talk but also listen. Dave is, without doubt, one of the most charming men I've ever met.

As a happily married woman, I'm immune to the charm, but yes, I can completely understand how he managed to get all these lovely girls to fall in love with him.

Yes, of course, he's a bit of a rat. But then he hadn't promised them anything other than fun. He'd never made any sort of offer of a permanent relationship, or told them they were his one and only. And I'm sure he was being honest when he said he loved them. Love the one you're with should be (and probably is) his motto!

Dave is, I realised during The Big Night Out, perfect romantic hero material. Flawed, but ultimately redeemable by the heroine. It will be such a coup for the lady who eventually does make him fall properly in love and manage to curb his philandering ways... And yes, I did have one particular candidate in mind for my perfect romantic heroine - she'll be just right for him... (I do hope one day Dave will realise it too).

All this, of course, I kept to myself last Saturday night, as it would have been no comfort whatsoever to the bevvy of broken-hearted beautiful blondes, each one of whom had a sumptuous room and a superb king-sized bed, revved-up and waiting for Dave... The Invisible Love Rat or Perfect Romantic Hero????