Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Shock Frocks

Now this is exactly how I see myself as Mother of the Bride - all those frills and flounces and layers of petticoats - and the long gloves, oooh yes - and the feathers in the hair... I absolutely love it!!!

Elle, of course, won't.

Anyway, I'm only talking about frocks because this afternoon Elle got a phone call to say that the bridesmaids' dresses had arrived and were ready for the first fitting. As only one of her bridesmaids was available, and because I love going the wedding frock shop, I tagged along. And oh my! They're gorgeous.



Sadly (because Elle now reads this blog) I'm not allowed to describe them in detail as everything to do with the wedding has to be a SECRET - but anyway, they're silk strapless designer cocktail frocks, boned and shaped to give maximum ooomph. And believe me they do. Elle's having her three closest friends as bridesmaids (they've been friends since infant school) and they're all glam blondes so they'll look absolutely stunning. N, the one available bridesmaid, turned up with no slap, scraped back hair, and dripping from today's non-stop rain. Then she shimmied into her dress and - wow! I went all misty-eyed. God knows what I'll be like next month when Elle's dress arrives from the designers (scary stuff - it's an Ian Stuart and cost as much as my first HOUSE!) and she puts it on for the first time... The frock shop ladies think I'm an emotional wreck now - they ain't seen nothing yet...



While Elle and N and the frock shop ladies fussed around about whether there was too much cleavage on show (I said there could never be too much cleavage in my opinion and got frowned at), and if there should be a tie belt or a silk wrap and if the bridesmaids' shoes (satin, killer heels, diamante buckle) should be dyed to match the frocks, I just drifted among the frou-frou rows and rows of satins and silks and lace and net and all that lovely glittery stuff and sniffed back happy tears...



I did try out a couple of fascinators (tricky little buggers - especially with wet hair) but they didn't look their best with my jeans and cagoule. Then, before I could become too besotted with some sparkly and way OTT jewelery, N shimmied back out of her frock and Elle said she thought it would be better if I didn't come when C and K try theirs on if I was going to cry so much and we went home.



However, that wasn't the end of the tears today, because I've now just wept with laughter at the local paper's coverage of the launch party. For a start they've stretched the head-and-shoulders photo to cover the whole of the top of one page - like a banner - but made it very thin so that the balloons and my face are elongated to about three feet wide and a couple of inches high (like when you look at yourself in the back of a spoon - er - you do do that, don't you? It isn't just me, is it? Is it? Oh - right...) and Ian (who is very tall and very skinny) looks exactly like a much-fatter much-squatter Matt Lucas... And you can't see hide nor hair of a bloody book.



Then there's the coverage... God bless local journalists for getting straight to the nub of the matter. It reads: "Christina Jones recently held her birthday party in the local book shop. As well as books there was an artist drawing goblins. Owner Ian Collett said "we were heaving all day"." No mention of it being The Bookstore's 10th birthday, or my book launch, or the fact that the book was called Happy Birthday and I was a local author. No mention of Jane at all. Oh, and the goblin artist had been engaged by Ian to sit in the children's section to keep the kiddies amused. And I can only assume Ian was heaving all day due to a surfeit of cake and fizz... Such typical local press coverage and absolute bliss!!!!



Weight Watchers update: I've lost 2lbs of last week's 4lb gain. Which means, I think, with the aid of my logarithm tables, that I'm now 3lbs lighter than I was when I started WW FIVE weeks ago but still 2lbs heavier than 2 weeks ago... Bugger. And we've got TWO parties this weekend... sigh...



Oh, and on a writerly note I've amazed myself with steaming ahead with Moonshine after weeks of faffing and procrastinating - somehow it seems to have suddenly all fallen into place - I just love it when that happens. And today I've sent 5 short stories to Allers in Sweden, 3 to People's Friend, and another off-the-wall one to Yours. I'm wondering if the TaB rejects might be any good for Best. I've never succeeded with Best - so, still dreaming about frocks and frills and flounces, I'm now off to look at Womag's brilliant subbing guidelines...

10 comments:

Jan Jones said...

Wonderful post, Chris. My local paper kindly put in a para saying I was going to be talking to a local group about my new book "on Thursday". No mention of which Thursday. No mention of the dates on which I'm doing book-signings. Oh, and no photo because the photographer was on holiday that week...

Debs said...

I have to admit that I have a pic of me wearing something very similar to the one in today's post (I had been persuaded to go in Battle of Flowers - you should have seen R, hah!).

Love the sound of the dresses. I've always fancied a fascinator too.

Well done on the weight loss, mine hasn't changed this week, and tonight I'm out with S and friends for her birthday meal, so that won't help.

Love the local coverage of Happy Birthday, brilliant, and well done with Moonshine.

Margaret McDonagh said...

Superb news about Moonshine. I am so thrilled for you and I know how wonderful it is - and what a relief - when the story begins to flow and the characters cooperate. Well done and good luck. I hope you now have a smooth ride for the rest of the manuscript. (Fingers crossed I'll be able to report the same kind of progress before too much longer!!)

Congrats on the 2lb loss, that's excellent, and the overall downward trend is what is important. I know you want the mother-of-the-bride dress, but I still think you are lovely as you are. Enjoy the parties this weekend and you can be good again next week!

The local paper report sounds a hoot! How typical to get the whole thing wrong and end up missing the whole point of the event. I'm sorry you didn't get the proper publicity for the book but I have every confidence people will buy it anyway - and love it because it is FABULOUS.

Good news about the bridesmaids dresses! I'm sure everyone will look wonderful, yourself included. I bet Elle will look stunning in her Ian Stuart dress. I researched a few pics of his dresses for my last wip, (the one from hell!), for a previous heroine's wedding, and amalgamated a few ideas for her dress. They are amazing creations but I'd need smelling salts for the cost!

Have a lovely weekend and good luck speeding along with Moonshine.

Lots of love,
Mags xxx

KAREN said...

Best are definitely worth a try - I haven't cracked them either yet! Bear in mind they've recently cut their word count to 850 words though :o(

LOVE the local paper coverage of your launch - so funny, and you don't look old enough to have a daughter of marriageable age!!

Mummy said...

The newspaper coverage sounds hilarious!!! 'heaving all day'!!??? lol Very funny! I'm glad it all went so well! I was delighted to see HB in WHSmiths yesterday. I'll have a check next time I go in the other bookshops :o)

The bridesmaids dresses sound gorgeous. My sister was my chief bridesmaid and she looked beautiful in a satiny off the shoulder light blue number...I'll have to dig some photos out. You and Elle must be getting so excited - and stressed no doubt! I was SO stressed on the lead up to our wedding......Mum would phone at least once a day with a list of things that needed doing/confirming etc etc!

Sounds like you're writing is going great guns at the moment! Good for you! I bet that launch party has given you a real confidence boost! YAY!!

Pat Posner said...

Great post, Chris. Had me LOL-ing, like your posts so often do!!

Glad Moonshine is starting to er...moonshine and well done on the weight loss.
xxPat

womagwriter said...

Good luck with the resubs!

Christina Jones said...

jan - thanks - and for making me laugh a lot with your local paper's amazing coverage! Sad, isn't it, that they so blatantly miss the point EVERY time? Seems it's a universal style...

debs - ooh yes - I can just see you dressed like that (I've seen you in fancy dress, remember???) bet you looked gorgeous - and what exactly was R wearing then???? Good luck with keeping the weight off - you've done brilliantly - but enjoy the birthday meal (happy birthday S!)anyway.

mags - thanks - I was beginning to think Moonshine would never "take off" (you know how that feels???).
The press coverage still has me in fits - bless them! And the wedding dress cost would give me nightmares - but fortunately I'm not having to pay for it. I WILL fit into the m-o-t-b frock - I WILL!

karen - thanks so much for saying I look young - ooh you're lovely - but of course I was a gymslip mother (vbg). I've managed a 850-worder for Best today and sent it and will let you know what happens.

mummy - oh thank you so much for reporting the HB sighting in WHS! That's cheered me up no end. And glad the local paper thing made you laugh - I'm still giggling about the heaving all day bit... Would love to see the wedding pics (am obssessed with all things weddingy at the mo). Elle is just SO damn organised - no panics or nerves or tantrums - yet!

pat - thanks - dead chuffed that you laughed. We all need a laugh at the moment I reckon. Don't think I'll make the Moonshine deadline but it'll be pretty close - which is good for me as I'm always late with delivery - sigh...

womag - thank you again. Your guidelines and general inside info are proving invaluable - I just wish I'd found you ages ago.

The Write Woman said...

When is Elle's wedding? Soon? I had 2 daughters' weddings this year and the third has just announced her engagement so I feel like a permanent Mother Of The Bride! Anyone want to hire a stand-in M.O.the B.? I play the part very well and wouldn't charge the earth!

Hope you have success with resubmitting those stories. I'm glad I found Womag's blog too - it's been a fantastic help! When I get an acceptance (trying to sound positive with the 'When', there), I'll be telling the world!

Christina Jones said...

write woman - OMG! TWO m-o-t-b appearances in one year - and another to come! Congratulations - but you're obviously made of stronger stuff than me!!!! Elle's wedding is next Easter - I really can't wait - I shall be the most overexcited m-o-t-b EVER! And yes, womag's site is simply brilliant - and WHEN we both get acceptances we can tell the world together!